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[personal profile] rc45
Welcome to Response Centre 45, the repository of mission reports written by Trojie and Pads.

We spork bad slash, bad het, mpreg and anything else that misuses biology. In this handy-dandy menu you will therefore find the adventures of Agents Trojie and Pads of the Department of Bad Slash, Agents Gypsy and Cray of the Division of Bad Het, Agents Veridian and Stevius of the Department of Character Protective Services, Agents Lasa and Mombi of the Department of Angst, and Agents Oscar and Iza of the Division of Mpreg.

Almost every PPC mission recorded here is at least rated M and more usually R. This is because we specialise in sporking smutfic, usually that which is rated NC-17, out of some misguided sense that we have to use our powers of unsquickableness for good, and with base material like that, even if we take out the worst excerpts, the end product is not going to be much lower rated. It is probably a good idea to assume that most missions are NSFW.

What is the PPC, we hear you ask? Well:

The Context

The Protectors of the Plot Continuum is an organisation of ficcers who are both annoyed with and amused by badfic. They write their Agent characters into various badfics and 'fix' the issues by a) noting them down in an orderly and responsible fashion and then b) kicking the shit out of the Mary Sue or Author-wraith (in the case of fic without Sues) responsible. The PPC was invented by the authors of Agents Jay and Acacia and their original missions can be found here.

And who, exactly are we to judge badfic? How do we judge it?
The Charges

There are actually criteria. There are two kinds of fic that we spork, usually. The first kind is fic that is so bad as to make us angry. The second kind is fic that is so bad as to make us laugh. We don't usually take on a fic, however anger-making, unless we also see potential to squeeze comedy out of it.

We make a very specific point of not sporking fic simply because it contains Kink A or Situation B. Bad writing and lack of consideration for canon and characters are what we spork - we try very hard not to go around making judgements on other people's taste in porn. If your story is well-written and doesn't completely break canon into tiny pieces, you are safe from us. Who knows, we may very well enjoy your fic ourselves.

The usual set of things that make a fic bad enough for us to consider sporking are below. Please be aware that not all of these charges are Absolutely Bad - they're just usually bad, especially in the continua we generally patrol.


- Not There (PPC terminology for people putting objects in places they shouldn't be. Don't make us draw you a picture)
- Dubious Lube (PPC terminology for, well, dubious lube. If it's being used as a lubricant when it blatantly wouldn't work as one, then it's dubious lube)
- Mpreg (male pregnancy, for anyone who's not come across this term before)
- Not understanding anatomy
- Doing away with aspects of sex and/or gay sex because the author doesn't like them
- Doing away with aspects of sex and/or gay sex because the author doesn't know about them
- Causing bodily fluids to taste like other substances, e.g. 'champagne and strawberries'.
- Writing pairings and/or sexual situations/positions that are physically impossible.
- Giving virgins amazing sexual knowledge and prowess


- Poor spelling
- Poor grammar
- Poor punctuation
- Blatantly not having a beta reader or else having an incompetent one
- In-text author's notes
- Inappropriate nicknames
- The Pronoun Problem (PPC terminology for what happens when you lose track of who is the subject and who is the object of any given sentence because both of your protagonists are the same sex)
- Inappropriate synonyms for sexual organs
- Using Suvian narrative devices, for example, the Single Tear


- Using 'aphrodisiac fruit', 'sex-pollen', or other DEM aphrodisiacs to get two characters together
- Ignoring the existence of the significant others of canon characters
- 'High School' AUs (not always a charge (it's not actually always a stupid idea to imagine an AU where all the characters are in high school), but would be in most of the fandoms we work in)
- Assuming, in continua that have animal or anthro characters, that they will have sex like humans do
- Twisting the countryside to provide convenient places for smexing in or perilous locations for rescuing the beloved from, even when the countryside blatantly doesn't work like that.
- Inappropriate crossovers.


- Woobifying canonically masculine characters (i.e., making them insufferably weak and helpless. We are aware that this is not the same as the definition of 'woobie' espoused by TVTropes. We don't particularly care.)
- Designating seme and uke in a non-Japanese continuum
- Creating a Designated Abusive Bastard (making a character abuse another for the sake of hurt/comfort etc)
- Creating a Token Homophobic Jerk (making a character, against all canon or reasonable speculation, unreasonably homophobic)
- Creating an Unrealistically Tolerant Pillock (making a character, against all canon or reasonable speculation, really really happy about their friends' slashy relationships in the fic)
- Writing an incest pairing in a canon that does not have canonical incestuous pairings
- Writing unjustified paedophilia because it's 'hawt'
- Writing unjustified rape because it's 'hawt'
- Writing unjustified relationships between canonical enemies because it's 'hawt'
- Thinking things are 'hawt' and that this is a justification for writing them all by itself.
- The word 'hawt'.


These can vary, but the concept is pretty self-explanatory. Things that make you go 'wtf?' are things we don't want to see in fic.


Sounds like a minor charge, and isn't allowed to be the sole charge, but is usually the very first charge in any mission.


For most agent pairs, these wouldn't even register, but given Trojie and Pads' eccentricities, they are often used as charges:

- Utterly impossible geological features
- Inaccurate portrayal of dinosaurs
- Inaccurate portrayal of other animals, flora and so on.
- Remus Lupin having relations with anyone who is not Nymphadora Tonks or Sirius Black
- American English in British continua
- Severus Snape naked

Amin Ai Olin
Morning After
Forbidden Love (cowritten with Soulshadow)
Hotel Nights (cowritten with Soulshadow)
True Love Can Conquer All (cowritten with Soulshadow)
Love is Stronger than Pride (unreleased)
Rhymes With Bang Bang Sob
To Be Free From Pasts and Shadows
LittlefootxCera (Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)( (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8)
To the Moon (Part 1) (Part 2)
A Promise to be Kept (Part 1) (Part 2) (cowritten with [livejournal.com profile] julyflame)
Out in the Rain
The DinoSue Strikes Back
Pain (unreleased)
Return of the DinoSue
Fun in Buckland
Pathways (Part 1) (Part 2)
The Phantom DinoSue
Baby bump, hormones and tennis
Midnight Visitor
Doom: Repercussions of Evil
What Happens in Narnia Stays in Narnia
Ladi's Name
Extending the Family
An Elf's Worst Nightmare
Bottled Feelings
The Two Boys
Wedding Night
Mirror Mirror
The White Witches deal
How to Remember the Signs
Loathing (cowritten with [livejournal.com profile] sedri)
A baby and his dog
Jungle Fever
Jungle Terror and Bungle in the Jungle
Teatime Punished
Of Weevils and Hot Tubs
A Modicum of Pleasure
Lady Light Skirt
Another Drink
Spreading Filths
I Will Never Stop Loving You
(Look at me) Looking in your eyes

Other Departments' missions

Division of MPreg
Ladi's Name
Extending the Family
Lady Light Skirt

Division of Bad Het
Violation of the Evenstar

Department of Character Protective Services
Menage A Trois (cowritten with [livejournal.com profile] sedri)
Black and White Uncut Version!!!
First Time

Department of Angst
Fine Lines
The Dying Flame


Dragon Fever MST (Part 1) (Part 2)
Tainted Perfection MST (Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)


The Quest for the Sentient Marijuana Plant
The Upholding of Honour
Bingely-Bingely-Beep! (Trojie's Birthday 2009)
(continued in 'Surprises' - Trojie's Birthday Party by [livejournal.com profile] julyflame)
Agent July's Birthday
PPC Radio interview with Agent Trojie
The Genderbending Interlude

Backstory, AUs and Futurefic

Ten Years Hence
AU: Murder
Agent Luxury's Backstory, cowritten with [livejournal.com profile] julyflame

All-HQ Australian Indoor-Rules Quiddich Matches (co-written by [livejournal.com profile] agenttrojie and [livejournal.com profile] julyflame)

All-HQ Australian Indoor-Rules Quiddich Match 1
All-HQ Australian Indoor-Rules Quiddich Match 2
All-HQ Australian Indoor-Rules Quiddich Match 3


The CMO's Daughter (cowritten by Trojie and [personal profile] sedri and starring Agent Sedri and Trojie's adopted daughter Marsha)
Wellington PPC Gathering 2008

Date: 2009-05-25 09:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alexthai.livejournal.com

Date: 2009-05-25 09:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] agenttrojie.livejournal.com
Well hopefully you find something you like on here :)


Date: 2009-06-24 01:03 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I'm tabbycat from the PPC board, although I haven't been on it very long, so I'm not sure if you'll know me. This is completely random...but I've been reading through your Livejournal posts (including the one from Armaggedon with the photo), and it turns out I know you from ESCI 111 back in '04 :)
I'm Deborah - you may or may not remember me, but I was doing second-year maths and physics at the time, in some of the same classes as Tim Cox. And even if you don't, I'm still at Vic (for my sins), quite possibly even just down the corridor from you.

Re: Hi!

Date: 2009-06-24 08:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] agenttrojie.livejournal.com
Holy shit dude, that is possibly the most random coincidence ever :D

What are you up to at Vic? (and should we switch this convo to email? I'm pretty certain my email address ought to be findable on my LJ profile if you want to ^_^)


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Response Centre #45

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