Response Centre #45

Title: Spreading Filths
Author: whysoserious
Obligatory Linkage: http://lotr.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600080827
Sporked by: agenttrojie and tea_fiend
Sporkage rated: M (or 'oh, Christ onna bike' in our personal scale)
Sporkers' notes: Gollum decides to assuage Frodo's lust for the absent Sam, and Trojie and Pads get some sporking assistance from someone they weren't exactly expecting. Betaread by the lovely sedri

( Is it a Sue, Mum? Can I come with you? Can I, please? )

Title: Dreams
Author: Jakoby
Obligatory Linkage: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4842735/1/Dreams
Sporked by: agenttrojie and tea_fiend
Sporkage rated: M
Sporkers' notes: Agent Oscar of the Division of Mpreg gets a permanent partner at last - Agent Iza, formerly of the Department of Mary Sues. Contains spoilers for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Iza appears courtesy of sedri, who also gave us a shiny beta.

( It's Harry having a baby and the father is Snape! )

Title: A Modicum of Pleasure
Author: xTJGx
Obligatory Linkage: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3912670/1/A_Modicum_of_Pleasure
Sporked by: agenttrojie and tea_fiend
Sporking rated:
Sporkers' notes: Dumbledore and Dobby. There are no words. Consider yourself warned. NSFW, NSFB. This is the closest we ever came to actually having to stop writing so we could sit in a corner clutching a bottle and rocking back and forth while waiting for the men in white coats to come and take us away. It hurt. Thanks to ansela_jonla, lady_rilwen and cassie5squared for the beta. We applaud your bravery, even if we don't understand why you were all so eager.

( I'm going to have nightmares for the rest of time )

Title: Teatime Punished
Author: crudedude
Rating: M
Obligatory Linkage: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4766647/1/Teatime_Punished
Sporked by: agenttrojie and tea_fiend
Sporking rated: R?
Sporkers' notes: Seriously NSFW and NSFB. This is all ansela_jonla's fault, as she brought this travesty to our attention. We do not own the song Jerusalem. Contains some spoilers for Terry Pratchett's Night Watch. Betaed by cassie5squared and ansela_jonla

( I know he was a weird little bastard, but there are limits. )

Title: (Look at me) Looking in your eyes
Author: charlies_dragon
Fandom: Star Trek (2009) (a.k.a. Star Trek Reboot, Star Trek XI etc, you get the picture. The new one with the pretty CGI and pretty cast)
Obligatory Linkage:http://community.livejournal.com/dragons_horde/15408.html#cutid1
Rating: NC-17
Sporked by: agenttrojie and tea_fiend
Notes: A short and sweet one. For a given value of sweet, anyway. We appear to be posting out of order rather, thanks to the ST:XI film being released in May while our last published mission was in February. If anyone's got any horrors for us to tackle that were posted before March 2009, let us know so we can fill in the chronological gap. Betaed by ansela_jonla and cassie5squared.

( Pavel Chekov does not count as a Cute Animal Friend. )

Title: Black and White UNCUT VERSION!!!
Author: True_enough1549
Obligatory Linkage: http://community.livejournal.com/narnia_slash/396114.html
Rating: R
Sporked By: agenttrojie and tea_fiend as Agents Veridian Green and Stevius of the Department of Character Protective Services.
Summary/Notes: "Skandar and Will see each other on set of PC, and skandar is no longer is black and white. He's going to take full advantage this time around. Please review! Reviews=love!! Well i promised the uncut version so FINALLY here it is!!" is what the author had to say. 'Ridian and Stevius would prefer it to be summed up as 'inexplicable, badly-written underage smut', as they feel this has a closer relationship with the actual contents of the fic and is more easily comprehensible by people who aren't thirteen year old fanbrats.
The trouble with finishing missions at two in the morning is that our SPaG beta is fast asleep. cassie5squared, we're betting you'll spot at least five errors that we missed.

( How many times have I pointed out that mentioning leisure activities in front of the console is a bad idea? )

Title: Jungle Fever
Author: dinolover
Obligatory Linkage: http://movies.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600090260
Sporkage by: agenttrojie and tea_fiend
Rating: R
Summary: Jurassic Park pr0nfic - Tim has it away with a male Velociraptor. Yes, you did just read that right and no, we have no explanation whatsoever. Many thanks to ansela_jonla for the beta-read, and for the loan of Agent Ansela.

( Tell me I'm not the only person in the world who knows that not everything has a penis? )

Title: Sin, Alcohol and Head-scratches
Authors: agenttrojie and an extremely drunk tea_fiend
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Slash, obviously. PWP. Genderbending. Plenty of Language, both filthy and medical.
Authors' Notes: oozaru_angel, you're not going to like what we've done to your OTP. Many thanks to ansela_jonla for the beta, and for not objecting even though we nearly made you die of laughing. This was written in response to the epidemic of genderbending currently sweeping HQ. We'd like to note that we're not just Bad Slashers, we're also slashers. Given an excuse to make both our characters male, what did you think we'd make them do? Play chess?

This is basically a Non-Plot-Definining Random Slashy Interlude, in the fine tradition of the classic BagEnders Random Slashy Interludes. If you follow the adventures of Trojie and Pads and yet would rather not see them having mansex, don't worry, not reading this will not entirely ruin your enjoyment of future episodes.

( At least you've got plumbing you understand now. )

Title: The White Witches deal
Author: dudeguy
Obligatory linkage: http://books.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600093602
Rating: Adult++
Sporked by: agenttrojie and tea_fiend
Sporkage rating: R
Summary: Magical gender reassignment and a difficult kill result in divine intervention ... sort of. The Lace's punishment of her two freelance agents for their poor mission procedure starts ramping up.
Thanks to ansela_jonla for betaing.

( I think this chargelist's going to be seared into my brain forever. )