Response Centre #45

Welcome to Response Centre 45, the repository of mission reports written by Trojie and Pads.

We spork bad slash, bad het, mpreg and anything else that misuses biology. In this handy-dandy menu you will therefore find the adventures of Agents Trojie and Pads of the Department of Bad Slash, Agents Gypsy and Cray of the Division of Bad Het, Agents Veridian and Stevius of the Department of Character Protective Services, Agents Lasa and Mombi of the Department of Angst, and Agents Oscar and Iza of the Division of Mpreg.

Almost every PPC mission recorded here is at least rated M and more usually R. This is because we specialise in sporking smutfic, usually that which is rated NC-17, out of some misguided sense that we have to use our powers of unsquickableness for good, and with base material like that, even if we take out the worst excerpts, the end product is not going to be much lower rated. It is probably a good idea to assume that most missions are NSFW.

What is the PPC, we hear you ask? Well:

( The Context )

And who, exactly are we to judge badfic? How do we judge it?
( The Charges )


( Department of Bad Slash Missions )

Miscellaneous

The CMO's Daughter (cowritten by Trojie and sedri and starring Agent Sedri and Trojie's adopted daughter Marsha)
Wellington PPC Gathering 2008

PPC Gathering Dunedin 2010

by Trojie, with comments and asides by Sedri

( The adventures of two PPCers in Dunedin )

Title: Lady Light Skirt
Author: Joxie
Rating: Adult++
Obligatory Linkage: http://tv.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600094522
Sporked by: agenttrojie and tea_fiend
Sporkage rated: R
Sporkers' notes: Oscar and Iza, bewildered by the latest BBC show to acquire Mpreg ficcers, have to (reluctantly) bring in Trojie for canon knowledge and, naturally, Pads follows along. Thanks to sedri for the beta.
WARNINGS: Fic contains NON-CON (magically-facilitated m/m rape), lack of punctuation and presumably Babelfished 'Old English' as well as male pregnancy. Sporking contains swearing, confusion, fangirling and arguments. With any luck, this will be the last Mpreg mission Trojie and Pads end up muscling in on for a while.

( Also, knee-walking is canonical. )

Title: Spreading Filths
Author: whysoserious
Obligatory Linkage: http://lotr.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600080827
Sporked by: agenttrojie and tea_fiend
Sporkage rated: M (or 'oh, Christ onna bike' in our personal scale)
Sporkers' notes: Gollum decides to assuage Frodo's lust for the absent Sam, and Trojie and Pads get some sporking assistance from someone they weren't exactly expecting. Betaread by the lovely sedri

( Is it a Sue, Mum? Can I come with you? Can I, please? )

Title: Dreams
Author: Jakoby
Obligatory Linkage: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4842735/1/Dreams
Sporked by: agenttrojie and tea_fiend
Sporkage rated: M
Sporkers' notes: Agent Oscar of the Division of Mpreg gets a permanent partner at last - Agent Iza, formerly of the Department of Mary Sues. Contains spoilers for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Iza appears courtesy of sedri, who also gave us a shiny beta.

( It's Harry having a baby and the father is Snape! )

Title: A Modicum of Pleasure
Author: xTJGx
Obligatory Linkage: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3912670/1/A_Modicum_of_Pleasure
Sporked by: agenttrojie and tea_fiend
Sporking rated:
Sporkers' notes: Dumbledore and Dobby. There are no words. Consider yourself warned. NSFW, NSFB. This is the closest we ever came to actually having to stop writing so we could sit in a corner clutching a bottle and rocking back and forth while waiting for the men in white coats to come and take us away. It hurt. Thanks to ansela_jonla, lady_rilwen and cassie5squared for the beta. We applaud your bravery, even if we don't understand why you were all so eager.

( I'm going to have nightmares for the rest of time )

Title: Teatime Punished
Author: crudedude
Rating: M
Obligatory Linkage: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4766647/1/Teatime_Punished
Sporked by: agenttrojie and tea_fiend
Sporking rated: R?
Sporkers' notes: Seriously NSFW and NSFB. This is all ansela_jonla's fault, as she brought this travesty to our attention. We do not own the song Jerusalem. Contains some spoilers for Terry Pratchett's Night Watch. Betaed by cassie5squared and ansela_jonla

( I know he was a weird little bastard, but there are limits. )

Title: (Look at me) Looking in your eyes
Author: charlies_dragon
Fandom: Star Trek (2009) (a.k.a. Star Trek Reboot, Star Trek XI etc, you get the picture. The new one with the pretty CGI and pretty cast)
Obligatory Linkage:http://community.livejournal.com/dragons_horde/15408.html#cutid1
Rating: NC-17
Sporked by: agenttrojie and tea_fiend
Notes: A short and sweet one. For a given value of sweet, anyway. We appear to be posting out of order rather, thanks to the ST:XI film being released in May while our last published mission was in February. If anyone's got any horrors for us to tackle that were posted before March 2009, let us know so we can fill in the chronological gap. Betaed by ansela_jonla and cassie5squared.

( Pavel Chekov does not count as a Cute Animal Friend. )

Title: Black and White UNCUT VERSION!!!
Author: True_enough1549
Obligatory Linkage: http://community.livejournal.com/narnia_slash/396114.html
Rating: R
Sporked By: agenttrojie and tea_fiend as Agents Veridian Green and Stevius of the Department of Character Protective Services.
Summary/Notes: "Skandar and Will see each other on set of PC, and skandar is no longer is black and white. He's going to take full advantage this time around. Please review! Reviews=love!! Well i promised the uncut version so FINALLY here it is!!" is what the author had to say. 'Ridian and Stevius would prefer it to be summed up as 'inexplicable, badly-written underage smut', as they feel this has a closer relationship with the actual contents of the fic and is more easily comprehensible by people who aren't thirteen year old fanbrats.
The trouble with finishing missions at two in the morning is that our SPaG beta is fast asleep. cassie5squared, we're betting you'll spot at least five errors that we missed.

( How many times have I pointed out that mentioning leisure activities in front of the console is a bad idea? )

Title: Jungle Fever
Author: dinolover
Obligatory Linkage: http://movies.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600090260
Sporkage by: agenttrojie and tea_fiend
Rating: R
Summary: Jurassic Park pr0nfic - Tim has it away with a male Velociraptor. Yes, you did just read that right and no, we have no explanation whatsoever. Many thanks to ansela_jonla for the beta-read, and for the loan of Agent Ansela.

( Tell me I'm not the only person in the world who knows that not everything has a penis? )