Response Centre #45

Title: Ladi's Name
Author: vexed wench
Rating: Adult
Obligatory Linkage: http://tv.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600093917
Sporking by: agenttrojie and tea_fiend
Sporking rated: PG-13
Sporkers' notes: Short, fluffy and stupid. The fic, that is. We hope the mission isn't stupid. And for those who have been following the recent adventures of Trojie and Pads, you'll be very pleased to hear there's a total lack of graphic rape, smut and gratuitous angst. Thanks again to cassie5squared for the beta.


( No time for excuses. We have a Duty to do. )

I'm reposting this and deleting the old post, because for reasons I do not fully understand, my every effort to fix the formatting of the old post failed horribly. So. Here it is, hopefully readable this time.

Original fic; ‘True Love Can Conquer All’
Author; Anestel
Source; Adult Fanfiction
Pairings; Legolas/Saelbeth, Legolas/Elladan (non-consenting), Legolas/Aragorn (non-consenting) , Glorfindel/Erestor, vaguely implied Elladan/Aragorn.
Rating; On the original fic; NC-17 (details below). On this PPC fic; R-16; we had to mention some of the awful things in the NC-17 so that we could PPC it. *This includes graphic rape*. We ended it as soon as we could. And we have cut as much gratuitous smut as we could. We’re not that evil.
Notes and Disclaimer: We have no connection to Tolkien or any of his many wonderful creations. And as for Anestel . . . well, if we could hunt her down then many, many unpleasant deaths would be hers. We warn you now. If you are in any way fond of Elves in general, or are a luster for any member of the Half-elven family in any way, this fic may disturb you. If you are of a delicate constitution, we warn you also; the fic that this is based on contains the following; really bad, lubricant-less, NC-17 slash. Rape (which is repetitive and trivialised.) BDSM. Implications of Elladan being into bestiality. Also; bad language from Trojie and fiery violence from Soul.
This story is also set in the Magical World Where All Elves are Gay. And apparently Mirkwood and Imladris are at war. Go figure.
This is the sort of story that the Bad Slash department was designed for.
Mini-Balrogs are the invention of the awe-inspiring Miss Cam, and the Mini-Balrog Rhyme is of course the property of the Philosopher at Large.
We thank Agent Martin of the Mary-Sue division very, very much for reporting this fic to us. Big ups to her. Constant vigilance, boys and girls.
We thank tea_fiend for the pointing out of grammatical errors that escaped our eyes. Not our grammatical errors; Anestel’s.
Also; shout-out to Aislynn Crowdaughter, who on being told we were working on a fic that ‘is revolting; not only is it badly written but it's about Elladan torturing Legolas,’ said ‘Let me guess: Anestels "True Love can conquer all", aka *Hit the delete key, NOW!*.’

( I wouldn't read on if you like Elves at all )

Title: Pathways
Author: skipgunner
Obligatory Linkage: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3780358/7/Pathways
Sporked by: agenttrojie and tea_fiend
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: We don't own the PPC, and we don't own Stargate. We definitely don't own Pathways, and if we ever owned Kithra-Sue it would only be for the half an hour it would take us to think of, and apply, a really creatively painful death. The Stupid Generator is the brainchild of [info]synecdochic, and is used with permission. Technically contains spoilers for the movie 'Serenity' and for bits of SGA. Wash is the property of Joss Whedon. Thanks to cassie5squared for the beta.

( Part Two )

She posts another chapter; we post another sporking. Almost entirely written by tea_fiend while agenttrojie was at work.

Original 'fic: Land Before Time: Littlefoot x Cera (Chapter 33)
Author: LBTwriter
Sporked by: tea_fiend and agenttrojie
Rating: M

For anyone interested, details of theropod reproductive organs can be found in this paper: http://www.mnhn.ul.pt/geologia/gaia/29.pdf I know Apatosaurus aren't theropods but this is enough to emphasise that the author's details of everyone's sexual organs are WRONG WRONG WRONG and that we're right to kill her characters in inventive ways.

( LxC: The DinoSue Strikes Back )

Agent Ansela and her merry arsenal are used with permission of ansela_jonla; the Wraith's words are taken from the author's (retarded) response to Neshomeh's review on The Pit.